First Time I Saw You:
I need to preface this by reminding some and informing others of you who may read anything I write, that I normally begin with a Free-Write; free-associating, and exploring thoughts and ideas with little to no filter. I write in a voice that is very detached from feelings sometimes, cause I’m really just exploring objectively and philosophically. Please try not to read my words as anything else.
The First Time I Saw You Saw Me See You See Me
You said, the first time you saw me, “you knew.” What is this that you “knew?” People often say this referring to having known the outcome of something previously. I fear if it’s not something quantifiable, and just based on ‘feeling,’ that it could be wrong. In the context of a relationship, IF a couple didn’t stay together,… what exactly did they think they knew? That they wouldn’t be together? I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t imagine that to be the common case. Does that mean it’s not true? When someone says, they “knew,” is it only true for when it IS, conveniently, true, but otherwise really just not true and based on nothing reliable? Is it then just something someone comes up with to add significance and meaning to something, to make it ‘romantic,’ but in reality, they never “knew” anything at all?
I do believe sometimes, someone could “know,” based on a feeling, and not just be lucky, but I’m not sure how to prove that. The power of belief, is the power of knowing. We’ve all heard and are familiar with the power of attraction, and of belief. I talk more about this in my post “Create Belief.” Perhaps it’s true, when you ‘truly’ believe you know, and it IS true? And that when it’s NOT, it’s because you didn’t ‘truly’ believe it to be true or it was just wishful or used to make something other than it is?
When I first met you, did “I” know?
I suppose this is in somewhat response to Jaysen’s post both objectively, and personally, based on current conditions, which I’m being very vague about, sorry.
Writing this scares me a bit. Sometimes, you CAN be too honest. Then you have to ask yourself, WHY. For whose benefit is this truth really for? I’m not sure if I’m being “too” honest here, but in any case, I haven’t really asked myself these questions.
The First Time You Saw Me See You Saw Me See Me See You
My no filter, no bullshite truth is that when I first saw you from a picture on a cellphone app, I was just talking to people. You didn’t stand out at first, but as we chatted, I enjoyed our conversations and getting to know you enough to bookmark you in my mind. When we finally met, I thought you were cute, geeky, smart, sweet, talented in so many ways, and whoa so young! As an interesting side, I also wasn’t sure what your racial heritage was. We began talking all the time and seeing each other every day. I really really didn’t want to be in a relationship, REALLY,… but I genuinely enjoyed being with you and you seemed to need someone at the time. It was a lot of work to not follow my feelings, and let things happen naturally, so I eventually gave in. I couldn’t help myself, and just really wanted to spend time with you, so why fight it. It’s not easy to find someone you can truly feel yourself with. At least it isn’t with me. It’s very rare. I’d always felt there was so much to our relationship. Though sex is important, our relationship was never based on it, which is very healthy. We communicate and work so well together, we’re unstoppable. Our relationship is the happiest, and healthiest I’ve ever had. When I first saw you, … no, … I never “knew”. I never knew, how insanely wonderful and magical it would be.
Our fears always get in the way, but so long as we communicate and share our fears, we can face them together and really give us a chance. Things aren’t good., they’re great! I’ve been really happy. Our lives are great.
One day, you’ll have to see what I wrote about us during those first few months. Maybe I’ll add it to this post later…
The Last Time I Saw You
Hopefully there isn’t ever a “last” time, but always a “previous” time.
Free-Write: The First Time I Saw You
List/video testimonials – friends, FB, characters from Comics, TV, film, strangers on the street (waivers, email?)
Saw, cut you in half
Boy this is kinda loaded
What if I didn’t talk about my significant other?
What if someone talks about a previous lover? Awkward.
The first time I saw you, …. I thought, ….
… Amy, … “Asian girl”
… Batman, “cool”
… Michael,… “Cute, cool, friendly, attractive, preppy”
… Mom, I thought, “Who? What?”
… Sister, I thought, “Who? what?!”
Stories of the first impressions we get of people
The 2nd Time I Saw You
The Last Time I Saw You: The Previous vs. the very LAST
The previous time I saw you,… you were upset.
The last time you see someone before they died.
The last time I saw Greg, Michael Sandy, Christopher,…
The last time I saw anyone….
The last time I saw each person.
The last time I saw ….
Jaysen, he was upset, and left without talking to me.
John, he was dropping me off at the train station? It was very nice.
Sean, he was sweaty from riding his bike from Governor’s Island.
Scott, we went to IKEA to pick out bookshelves.
Stephanie, she was getting married.
The last time I saw you,.. myself.
Who cares what I first thought of them?
What does it even really mean.