Letter to myself 10 years ago/10 years from now


To: Carl in 2014
From: Carl 10 years in the future:

Carl! CARL!  It’s Carl from the future.  10 years in the future, 2014.  You’re 28 now and graduating college, 2004!!  Time to get the hell out of CT!  Time to wake up!  Break up with Mike, fuck trying to get a real job, save that money, call um, Fran, … WAIT WAIT!  CARL, we just landed a commercial directed by Martin Scorsese!!  YES!  We did!  Sorry, I just got the call!  See,.. it may take time, but you’re gonna be doing things.  Let hope I can move you along and cut out the crap you don’t need.  Oh, speaking of Scorsese, we also did a film he executive produced, and it’s coming out in Oct!  It took us 10 years to finally get some legit work.  3 in one year so far and it’s only the beginning!   Don’t get too excited or full in your head though.  You have a LOT of work to do!  Really, you need to focus on simplifying, and cutting out things you don’t need to do.  For example, question why you do anything.  Don’t do anything for the future that you aren’t even sure about.  Like organizing comics, WHY?  So that you might sell them in the future?  Sure to an extent, you should know what you have and where it is, ok, BUT, don’t spend the days and hours every year doing it when you don’t even know if you’re going to be selling them.  Same goes for saving things.  What do you REALLY need that for?  Will you really use that?  Is the stress of owning so much crap and organizing all this crap worth what you put into it!?  NO, Carl, it’s FUCKING NOT MOTHERFUCKER!   Throw away as much stuff as you can and put into storage!   You will also eventually have to go back home to go through all the shite you left there, and it’s gonna suck, cause mice will have gotten into it, and will leave eaten, peed and shite on everything!  Ugh!

Ok, Let me finish what I was saying earlier.  Fran, hes’ gonna be PAing on the new John Cameron Mitchell film SHORTBUS in NYC!  You are going to MOVE to NYC.  This summer, 2004!  Get a PA gig on it! Find a sublet from .. Marlene’s roomie, in Brooklyn NY.   267 Withers Street! You find this from a UConn alumni email or board! Amy is gonna come with you, but she won’t stay. Michael McAvoy will eventually move in with you, YAY!

Work
You will PA for a while, and then stop cause you can’t pursue acting or anything else.  You will end up doing everything from catering, personal assisting, hosting at a restaurant, promotional work, temping, focus groups, etc.  You do a LOT of background on films and TV, and not long after, you get into SAG.  You can keep going if you want, just make sure to focus on acting and mental health.  Those are number one thing in our lives, as you already know.   Start taking acting classes at Bova Actors Workshop, in NYC.  But you need sleep damn it!!!

Love yourself, work on you
Thing is we have to really focus on discipline., sleep, food, and learning to be comfortable.  Stop worrying about what people think.  With auditioning, be yourself, within the context of the character and given circumstances, but stop trying to be what you think they want you to be.  Learn to relax.  Stop organizing so much.  None of that will matter in 10 years, not really.  Don’t make things hard for yourself!

Relationships
You will meet many people.  Be careful. You get really obsessed! Gotta really learn to love yourself!  You end up being with people you worship, and suffer for it.  Work on you!  Be careful of those who want more than friendship. You might just have to cut them off, to save the friendship.  You will be in a few serious relationships,… and trust me, each one gets better and better (they also all share the same 2 names).  You get into a long distant relationship that you never thought you’d have, and it will change your life.  You learn and grow a lot.  I don’t want to tell you what happens, just remember to be yourself, no need to be unhappy.  Learn to love yourself, and be self sufficient.  It will take you years to get over your exes, if you do at all; cause they’ll all be special to you, just have to except and move forward.

Friends
You will make some great friends, different groups, who are like family to you.  Yay!  You till live in Williamsburg for like 9 years!
Your friends in CT, will still be your friends, but some relationships will change. Distance will grow between John and you. Also,… one friend in particular,.. you will lose, but you don’t have to. You tell this person the truth cause they asked, and you just can’t lie,… but they kinda go into shock and it’s just all really bad no matter how you look at it, even if you’ve been tormented by it, and even felt a victim to yourself and others. Ugh, so vague. This is a public letter so,…

Acting
Take every audition more serious than you already do, meaning, there are only so many legit auditions, and you have to try to knock them out of the park. Let the reason you are not casted be because of your look, or other things that have nothing to do with ability, but just who you are. Which is ok. YES, who you are. Be YOU as much was you can, living within the circumstances given. Focus on being present, relaxed, and on being yourself. Being you is what makes you different from others, so don’t try to be what you think they want. REALLY. Even if they don’t like it, it’s better than being what everyone else is doing. Generic. Listen to music, and connect to your emotions. Hire a coach for every legit audition! REALLY. Even if it’s $75!  I don’t have a “career” yet, but I am definitely in the start of one!   You stopped doing regular BG, and only commercial BG now for a year!  And you’re ok,.. money is low, but you did land those 3 gigs so far 🙂

Other Stuff
Other fun facts.  You will be in a web-series that’s currently going into the 6th season.  Don’t get to excited, you aren’t paid ha ha, so you haven’t “made” it.  You still have to constantly work your ass off, make money, try to have a life, and constantly worry about finding more work.

In these next 10 years, you will be the president of the Asian American Film Lab for 2 years!  Yes,.. and it will be a lot of work.  You will also be part of a modern dance group!  OH, and you’ll be the executive producer for a band, Late Cambrian’s album!!  Sounds great right?  ha ha  Also, a LOT of work.  You will get burnt out by it all, and become depressed.  You end up quitting everything, and even stop trying with acting, only so you can work on yourself.  To be happy.  You do so, with the help of Mike.  You learn you can have a happy, “normal” life with someone.  Someone you share many of the same interests, whom you also admire.  Your partners are amazing, creative and talented people.

Creative Stuff
Eventually you meet Jaysen, someone you can really just be yourself with, who is wonderful to you.  The most emotionally healthy relationship you’ve ever had!  He inspires you to be creative and create for yourself.  Like when you were a kid.  Following your instincts on what you want to do.  And you will realize you can do anything you want.  You can!  So you start writing, and get mentored by Sean Boggs.  You also start a monthly Creative Collective to share and support others work.  We currently do a YouTube show EVERY week, reviewing things like comics and you do a blog, EVERY week!  WOW, impressed yet?  Looking back, I am 🙂

Not sure what else our future will bring, but I know things always get better and better.  Believe it!

Drink water, eat, SLEEP!  SLEEP is everything!

It really hard to think that you’ll read this and change our future, cause I really have NO regrets, and believe everything has made me who I am today.  Only thing is, sure, I’d love to be an emotionally healthier person and have a career sooner than later.  That you should DO for sure!

Remember
Beware of being obsessed with organizing, comics and video games. Yeah, you could end up a hermit who never goes out.  Remember where you live!

STOP! JUST STOP! STOP THINKING!

To:  CARL in 2024, 10 Years from Now
From: Carl NOW, 2014 [10 years ago]

Hey young man!  Wow, you’re almost 50!  Hope you’ve been staying healthy! By now, you really really don’t have anytime to fuck around.  Your health, and happiness is number one!  And if you don’t already have a career, stop fucking around!  10 years ago, now for me, you’re finally getting legit work and it feels like the start of a career.  How does it turn out?

If you are doing well.
Well, you’re doing it Carl! And there’s still more to go!  Can you believe not only 10 years ago, you were without work, and just living off your savings, pursuing your dreams, everyday.  I knew we’d only get better and better.  Maybe we haven’t figured out how to be forever happy, but pretty close right?  ha ha.  Life is amazing, you are amazing.  Life is good, life is great!  I imagine you got a lot more figured out.  I’m curious what you would tell me now.  My future self, what you’d tell the you from 10 years ago, which is NOW for me.  I imagine you probably are telling me to keep going, that things are going to be even greater.  Don’t stop believing, ha ha.  Don’t get too self involved.  Other important people in your life need you too. Make sure they know how much they mean to you.  We don’t live forever.  Appreciate them all.

If you are NOT doing well.
Remember back ten years ago,.. you were 38, and felt unstoppable.  You felt your dreams really could come true.   And now,… you’re just 50, it’s still young, really.   A lot can still change and happen in life for you!  It’s time for another chapter.  I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I’m not here to make you feel bad about yourself.  No sense in looking back right?  Lets move forward. Let me remind you of a few things!  I love you.  I love you and you ARE an amazing person, always were.  There’s still sun now right?  Go out and take a walk. If you’ve been waiting on anything, maybe now is the time. Been too afraid to do this or that still? Really?  If so,.. fuck, time to … sigh.  I feel like you would’ve already done all that.  That you’ve done a lot since 10 years ago.  But really 10 years isn’t so long right?  Shite!  Ok.. I don’t really want to keep writing about “what if” our lives are shite right now, and what I’d tell you… I kinda rather think we’re doing well and things just get bigger and better as we go along.

Are still with Jaysen?  You must be amazing!  🙂  You’re a grown man now.  🙂  Wiser, and better in every way.  Happy.  Are you talking to Mike yet?  Must be right?  Were you too scared to talk to him?  Was he too stubborn to try after you broke up?  It’d be a shame not to talk,… call him.  Or better yet, email.  He doesn’t like surprises.  Hopefully by then, it’ll be alright.

Write back.

Disclaimer: I’m starting to NOT go over what I’ve written to edit and make better,… I free-write, and then I write on top, with minimal editing.  Just need more time.  Hopefully I’ll find that time in the future, otherwise, I apologize if it’s been difficult to read.


This post came out of the #WeeklyWrites Prompt: Letter to myself 10 Year in the Past and 10 Years in the Future

Here’s what others have contributed:
Jaysen Headley
Carina Jollie


Free-Write: Letter to myself 10 years ago/10 years from now

10 years ago,… I was 28?  2004.  That’s when I graduated College!  Ha ha, oh boy!

Carl! CARL!  Time to wake up!  Break up with Mike, fuck trying to get a real job, save that money, call um, Fran, he’s gonna be PAing on the new John Cameron Mitchell film SHORTBUS!  Get a PA gig on it!   Find a sublet from .. Marlene’s roomie, in Brooklyn NY.  267 Withers Street!  You find this from a UConn alumni email or board!  Amy is gonna come with you, but she won’t stay.  Michael McAvoy will eventually move in with you, YAY!

Throw away as much stuff as you can and put into storage!  Work on acting, and mental health.  The number one thing in our lives, as you already know.  Start taking acting classes at Bova Actors Workshop, in NYC.

Stop doing BG not long after getting into SAG.  You can keep going if you want, just make sure to focus on acting and mental health.

Thing is we have to really focus on discipline.  Sleep, food, and learning to be comfortable.  To be relaxed.  Stop organizing so much.  None of that will matter in 10 years, not really.

Relationships
You will meet many people.  Be careful.  You get really obsessed!  Gotta really learn to love yourself!  Be careful of those who want more than friendship.  You might just have to cut them off, to save the friendship.

Your friends in CT, will still be your friends, but some relationships will change.  Distance will grow between John and you.  Also,… one friend in particular,.. you will lose, but you don’t have to.  You tell this person the truth cause they asked, and you just can’t lie,… but they kinda go into shock and it’s just all really bad no matter how you look at it, even if you’ve been tormented by it, and even felt a victim to yourself and others.  Ugh, so vague.  This is a public letter so,…

Acting
Take every audition more serious than you already do, meaning, there are only so many legit auditions, and you have to try to knock them out of the park.  Let the reason you are not casted be because of your look, or other things that have nothing to do with ability, but just who you are.  Which is ok.  YES, who you are.  Be YOU as much was you can, living within the circumstances given.  Focus on being present, relaxed, and on being yourself.  Being you is what makes you different from others, so don’t try to be what you think they want.  REALLY.  Even if they don’t like it, it’s better than being what everyone else is doing.  Generic.  Listen to music, and connect to your emotions.  Hire a coach for every legit audition!  REALLY.  Even if it’s $75!

Drink water, eat, SLEEP!  SLEEP is everything!

I don’t know what else, … have to think a little more.

It really hard to think that you’ll read this and change our future, cause I really have NO regrets, and believe everything has made me who I am today.  Only thing is, sure, I’d love to be an emotionally healthier person sooner than later.  That you should DO for sure!

Beware of being obsessed with organizing, comics and video games.  Yeah, you could end up a hermit who never goes out.  Remember where you live!

STOP!  JUST STOP!  STOP THINKING!

THIS IS TO CARL 10 YEARS FROM NOW.  You’ll be 48, wholly shite!  You’re almost 50!!

Hey young man!  Hope you’ve been staying healthy!  By now, you really really don’t have anytime to fuck around!

Your health, and happiness is number one!

If you are doing well.
Well, you’re doing it Carl!  And there’s still more to go!  Can you believe not only 10 years ago, you were without work, and just living off your savings, pursuing your dreams, everyday.  I knew we’d only get better and better.  Maybe we haven’t figured out how to be forever happy, but pretty close right?  ha ha.  Life is amazing, you are amazing.  Life is good, life is great!  I imagine you got a lot more figured out.  I’m curious what you would tell me now.  My future self, what you’d tell the you from 10 years ago, which is NOW for me.  I imagine you probably are telling me to keep going, that things are going to be even greater.  Don’t stop believing, ha ha.  Don’t get too self involved.  Other important people in your life need you too.  Make sure they know how much they mean to you.  We don’t live forever.  Appreciate them all.

If you are NOT doing well.  Remember back ten years ago,.. you were 38, and felt unstoppable.  You felt your dreams really could come true.  And now,… you’re just 50, it’s still young, really.  A lot can still change and happen in life for you!  It’s time for another chapter.  I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I’m not here to make you feel bad about yourself.  No sense in looking back right?  Lets move forward.  Let me remind you of a few things!  I love you.  I love you and you ARE an amazing person, always were.  There’s still sun now right?  Go out and take a walk.  If you’ve been waiting on anything, maybe now is the time.  Been too afraid to do this or that still?  Really?  If so,.. fuck, time to … sigh.  I feel like you would’ve already done all that.  That you’ve done a lot since 10 years ago.  But really 10 years isn’t so long right?  Shite!  Ok.. I don’t really want to keep writing about “what if” our lives are shite right now, and what I’d tell you… I kinda rather think we’re doing well and things just get bigger and better as we go along.

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